Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Thoughts on Labyrinth

-Bowie. If they have a gun, for god's sake, give me a sign.

I'm on my way.

All terrible joking aside, Bowseph is certainly testing my undying worship, isn't he?

-Where to fucking start.

-Okay. Jennifer Connelly. I like her. She's a good actress with a not-terrible choice in movies, she's pretty in a non-generic way. As far as Jennifers go, you could do a lot worse. So why the fucking fuck do I hate her so here?

-Well, she's a petulant little pisser who goes off on her stepmother for daring make her babysit (when, might I add, she clearly has nothing better to do than reenact scenes from her favorite book with her damn dog), then throws a bitch fit when her Dad doesn't go knocking down her door, begging for forgiveness with a bloody knife in one hand, his severed tongue in the other. She yells at her baby stepbrother for crying (as babies are apt to do), and accidentally-on-purpose sics a herd of motherfucking goblins on the infant. This is not twenty minutes in. She proceeds through the next ninety-something as a slack-jawed idiot gaping at all the Muppets that dance around her in wisecracking glee.

-Oh, yeah. And when she refuses a crystal ball he offers her, Bowie throws a fucking snake at her face.

-Not twenty minutes in. I'm strongly considering turning this shit off and rewatching The Man Who Fell to Earth.

-Oh god, the fucking muppets...

-Such ridiculous director, such ridiculous effects, such ridiculous everything (except for the soundtrack, of course). Yet, oh well. Entertaining at will.