Thursday, September 23, 2010

Splendiferous News from the High Holy Gate

Who says nobody runs to fancy titles? Anyway. Today's movie news has been so collectively splendid I must share with you, my humble audience.

-Kim Jee-Woon, director of The Good, The Bad, The Weird, A Tale of Two Sisters, and the recent I Saw the Devil, is soldiering into Hollywood with 'Last Stand', based on the buzzed-about Blacklist script by Andrew Knauer. The leader of a drug cartel breaks out of a courthouse, speeding to the Mexican border in a 200mph Gumpert Apollo, pursued by a small-town cop and his rookie crew.

So, yes, this sounds like the single most boring idea to hit 21st century action movies since, I don't know, that one with that guy. But if you've seen TGTBTW, you know this dude can inject more manic energy into an action scene, and beautifully shoot them, and besides that, make things awesome.

-Roman Polanski is developing his new project, 'Gods of Carnage', based off the play that NBC keeps running commercials for. The single most Oscary, yet not baity, cast to ever attack my fragile eyeballs has been assembled, in the forms of Kate Winslet, Jody Foster, Matt Dillon, and Christoph Waltz. About two sets of parents who meet after their boys get into a schoolyard fight, and begin to turn on each other.

-Teenage assassin movies are the new frontier, my sources tell me. My sources, of course, being resident Voices in My Head Pablo and Skeet. Details.

Alexis Bledel has joined the cast of 'Violet and Daisy', teaming up with Saoirse Ronan (also of the probably-more-sober flick 'Hanna') as (ahem) teenage assassins who discover the man they're sent to kill is more than expected.

So, Bledel is, like, 29. Carey Mulligan had been up for this. Fuck the movie-making cycle and how it denies me my dream cast. Fuck them to the holy pits from wence they came.

I kid. This could be cool. Not as cool as it woul've been with Mulligan. But I can cope. Totally.

Danny Trejo or Bruce Willis are also up for roles, in what has been described as Superbad meets Kick-Ass meets Pulp Fiction. Or something like that.

-Joaquin Phoenix might play J Edgar Hoover's lova in an upcoming biopic starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Huh.

-And, of course, lots of other things I remain, as always, ungenerously neutral about. G'day.